v Kenley (H) 22 November 2008

So how many would it be this week: 7, 8, 9 - or ... yikes! Well read on, and you just might be a bit surprised.  Not for the first time this season, it looked good on paper: 7 or 8 regular Bulldogs to be bolstered by the comforting presence of Jiji, Tom G, Kram and Harminder. And with 3 of our young tyros all yapping for their chance to be our junior rolling sub on a freezing afternoon, there was no lack of optimism.

To begin with , it looked ok. Yes, we creaked a bit now and then at the back (...force of habit?) but, hey - those horrible mis-hits and unlucky deflections and other misdemeanours in our D didn't happen. And before we knew it, we started to look a bit useful ourselves. Jiji was, well, Jiji, while Tom G and Harminder brought the best out of Peter and Satbir in a refreshingly robust midfield. Ian G and Kram made thorough nuisances of themselves up front and, at the back, Nigel and Mike T at last got the chance to remind everyone - including themselves - just how good they are when they're given reasonable support around them.  And behind all that, the GMB was in one of his cussed, muttering to himself, goalframe tapping, 'Blimey! What's he doing there? Don't ask - just let him get on with it' moods. So far, so good - but could we do the unthinkable, from an unusually promising position of:

HALF TIME: 'Dogs 0 Kenley 0

A keenly contested first half gave way to an even more keenly contested second half. Both sides showed plenty of ambition up front, but both defences and goalkeepers were getting their angles and interceptions right. All our 1st half performers, bolstered by canny cameos (don't push it - you're almost readable so far this week - Ed) from our rolling young trio of Richards C and S, and David, kept up the good work. Then, another wicked aerial bomb from Jiji fell dangerously in their 'D' and Ian got a bit of it, to Kram and - bing bang bosh! - 1-0 'Dogs! Kenley were too good to take this lying down and back they came at us. The GMB, by contrast, decided more than once to take it lying down as the ball hit him. But we threatened to bag a 2nd on more than 1 occasion and hey, this was exciting end to end stuff. Then - talk about vintage brandy at the end of a banquet - Paul Mangat came on for someone or other for the last few minutes. Kenley huffed and puffed from all sorts of angles but our kennel would not be blown down today.

FULL TIME: 'Dogs 1 Kenley 0    

How about that! After weeks of misery where, for want of 2 or 3 extra players of quality, we had been routinely and regularly hammered, we showed that, we could play, after all. Make no mistake, this was indeed the regular 'Dogs, bolstered by some more than handy players, not a completely different side. Kenley were - as ever - a very good side and must have been pig sick to lose this one.  Great company afterwards, too - thanks and see you at your place early next year, guys.

WINSTON OF THE WEEK: can't possibly pick out any one individual from a such a good all round team performance, so the winner was ... NPL Bulldogs! (...and doesn't that sound good?)    

v Sunbury (A) 15 November 2008

Well, a bit of a change this week.  Instead of being hammered by regular Conference opponents after a difficult and long journey, we got hammered by less regular opponents after a straightforward and short journey.  It was lovely to renew acquaintance with old local rivals Sunbury: what they did to us was, however, a bit less lovely. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

We started off ok, our exotic mix of old (7) and very young (4, with a combined age of +/- 60) players determined to put up a good show. The problem was that Sunbury were a rather useful team - thanks for waiting till after the game to tell us modestly you beat Wallington twice last season, guys - and they were a bit goal hungry. Pressure soon told and, though we didn't get the rub of the green with a couple of deflections, hey, scores like this don't lie:

HALF TIME: Sunbury 5 'Dogs 0  

They gave us oranges at half time and the offer of a swap of goalkeepers, by the sound of it. But before you could say 'take him, he's yours - and you can keep him till Easter!' our backboard was soon rattling again to the sound of annoyingly well-taken goals. So what consolation points for the 'Dogs inmidst this canine carnage?  Well, all 4 of our youngsters played as well as they could have, and none of them looked totally out of place. Everyone else also continued to try to stem the flood of Sunbury attacks, no canine heads or shoulders dropped and we kept on doing our best which simply wasn't good enough. 5 more goals duly arrived in the 2nd half but, you'll like this bit, the last of them was a resounding boomer from a short corner from Ian G, followed at once by the final whistle, bringing to an end:

FULL TIME: Sunbury 9 'Dogs 1

Well, we got one - as tends to be our wont this season, so look forward with ridiculous optimism to playing a couple of teams between now and Christmas who might, if we play really well, not put quite so many on us.

WINSTON OF THE WEEK: a no-brainer. Wonderful to see Jimmy back with us and looking in pretty good fettle. Well done for a typically no-nonsense efficient umpiring display, and for a match summary which defied even this correspondent's sense of optimism "I thought you were a bit unlucky, the way things were going you just ran out of time!!"

Many thanks to Sunbury for a fine game on a fine pitch - and excellent hospitality afterwards. Best of luck to you on your exotic 4 Counties travels up and down the M4 corridor and (...I can't really believe I'm saying this) let's hope we can do it all again soon.    

v Wimbledon (A) 01 November 2008

After a weekend's break during which a joint 'Dogs/Desperados team had flown the NPL colours at the Kenley Tournament, the 'Dogs returned to the fray at Wimbledon.

An eclectic team of old and new (see below) started off brightly.  We more than held our own in the opening 15 minutes or so, so it was particularly galling to concede 2 very soft goals, partly of our own making (at least you're creating goals one end of the field - ha! Ed). But then things took a welcome upturn as we completed that rare surprise 'Dog tactic - get a shot on target from a short corner.  Bravo, Satbir - 2-1 Wimbledon. And then, just before the half time whistle, a cruel blow. Their forward stood in the GMB's way (ok-ish) then took a step back into the GMB as a shot came in, blocking his sight and movement (definitely not ok-ish). But Avni saw no wrong, so we reached half time, most undeservedly:

HALF TIME:  WIMBLEDON 3 'DOGS 1

Now, think of almost everything that could go wrong in a second half, barring any injuries, and it did.  A couple of unlucky deflections: check. P- (careful, please. Ed) Pouring (that's better. Ed) rain, turning to sleet, into our faces: check. Opposition who stepped up several gears: check. Dispirited and bedraggled 'Dogs, who lost the ability to string 3 passes together: check. 

On and on it went, and in and in they went.

FULL TIME: WIMBLEDON 8 'DOGS 1

Now that was weird, really weird. Even they - decent blokes as ever - said it hadn't felt like an 8-1 sort of game. But for the 3rd time in 4 games this season, we found ourselves on the wrong end of a right royal thrashing.  Why is this happening? Your correspondent suggests 3 main reasons (oh blimey, here we go... Ed):

1/ our opposition  usually is made up of players who know each other's game and have played together for many a year, while we...

2/ have had a lousy run this season of non-availabilities, both long and short term. Of our 7 to 8 regulars who formed the backbone of the successful side at the end of last season, only 2 or 3 have been able to play this year. And that's just too big a burden to carry, especially when...

3/ we are blooding youngsters.  Full marks to James G, Richard C and Richard S who all played really well in defeat this week, showing precocious talent for their combined age of barely 40.

Frustrated: yes. Downhearted: no! On we will go, aware that, even if we don't set the pitch alight just at the moment, we still play a pretty good 3rd half in the bar afterwards.

Woof! Woof!             

v WALLINGTON (H): 18 October 2008

A bright and shiny kennelful of 'Dogs took the field to face the ultimate challenge in Conference Hockey -  Wallington - with high hopes and expectations. Sadly, they saw through our first tactic (start the game with 12 on the field - ha!), so we began at the distinct disadvantage of 11 against 11. Early skirmishes looked ominous. Wallington passed the ball around sweetly from the word go and seemed to cut through to, then past, our back line at will. We duly conceded the first goal of the game (a tradition in Dogs/Wallington games).

And then we did something really, really stupid. Not just 'seemed like a good idea at the time' stupid, more like ' let's pull the sleeping hungry tiger's tail really hard when we're locked in his cage' stupid [sorry, where is this one going? Ed]. That's right, we equalised.  In mitigation, it didn't look like we meant to - it all came from a comfortingly familiar monstrous mess of an attacking short corner. But we regained possession, swung it in and Adey - a more than useful newcomer to 'Dog ranks - turned it past their startled goalkeeper. Talk about not in the script.

What next? You've guessed it.  They were not very happy at all. In any way.  So they absolutely mullered us for the remaining seven hours and forty six minutes (...well, it felt that long) of the first half.  In all they managed seven more successful strikes - five on our goal and 2 on a prone GMB, the latter of which challenges led to a brief but lively exchange between several of our defenders and their striker. So, a half time score of 'look away now if you scare easily' proportions read:

HALF TIME: 'Dogs 1 Wallington 6

A subtly changed and determined 'Dogs side started the 2nd half. And, in the context of the game before half time, we performed wonders. That old (...and how) familiar back 3 combo of Nigel, Mike T and the GMB were stopping what little got past Jiji and the goals against, mercifully, slowed to a trickle. Just twice more in the second half were we breached: a near post hat-trick piledriver from a particularly up-for-it Willie (if you'll pardon the expression) and a ludicrously simple team move of shocking brilliance which left 2 of their players squabbling for the final touch as the ball yawned its way languidly towards, then over, our worn out goalline. And then even Avni had seen enough, so the fun ended.

FULL TIME: 'Dogs 1 Wallington 8

Positives? Well, we got to the other end surprisingly often and could, maybe should,  have had another 2 or 3 goals. There were great 'Dog Debuts in adversity from goal scoring Adey and a tireless Martin on the right. Peter was General Custer personified on the left and others did their bit. But, let's be honest here, we were hammered by a very good side playing near their clinical best. 

So it was that a somewhat chastened, less bright, and distinctly dulled kennelful of 'Dogs left the field having faced the ultimate challenge in Conference Hockey - Wallington. All hopes and expectations well and truly dashed. But hey, we haven't got a game next week - Kenley Tournament - so will take our proud unbeaten away record into November, when we face the delights of Wimbledon, sloping pitch, sauna, carpeted changing rooms and all. Bring it on!    

 

  

v Blackheath (A): 11 October 2008

One of the problems of having a 12 year old livewire around the house is that the little ... fellow now wins at Scrabble far more often than is bearable.  So I've done a bit of crafty research and come up with the following rather useful 7-letter words beginning with 'P': paucity, perhaps, partake, purview. And, to show I've really done my homework, I'll use all 4 words in the following match report [Hooray! You mean you're actually going to get round to talking hockey?  Ed].

An optimistic if limited Pack of 'Dogs made their way to Blackheath for a tricky looking fixture. Indeed, the paucity of availability meant we turned up with just 6: Peter, the GMB, Mike T, Ian G, Ian's son James, and James's mate - Josh (a bit of a ringer, and boy could he run!). So we thought that if we turned on the charm a bit - and mentioned last week's mugging by Purley - they might perhaps lend us a couple of players.  This they did, reducing their 10 to 8 and evening up the sides.  So, with an evenly spread, but somewhat limited, dusting of 16 players scarcely covering their fine playing surface on a beautiful day, we all decided to partake of some exercise [Ouch - that was lame! Ed].

Curiously, for a game short of players and big on space, the goals did not come.  Both stoppers were having a bit of a good day, both attacks suffered a bit from over-excitement at the yawning gaps not normally found so often when 11 play 11.  So, after (what felt like frankly, a very, very long) 35 minutes of near misses on their goal - notably from a sprightly Ian G - and some rugged last ditch defending around our goal from Mike T and our 2 admirable guests, Aidan and Chris, we reached a most improbable position of:

HALF TIME: Blackheath 0 'Dogs 0

And so it carried on for the opening period of the 2nd half, too. A bumper partisan home crowd of fully 6, possibly 7, failed to unnerve our defence.  Worse still, for them, Ian G then lowered the periscope and took his foot off the gas a bit (if you get my mixed metaphor - or is a simile? Never mind) and steered us not once but twice into an unexpected and unfamiliar Promised Land, as 0-0 begat 1-0 'Dogs, and 1-0 'Dogs begat 2-0 'Dogs. Amen to that we thought - alas, too soon. Mike T decided our good natured game was for too genteel for his liking and proceeded to stop their player with a challenge which left said opponent counting his limbs and digits. Once the vital body parts check had been successfully completed, and their umpire had given Mike a stern ticking off, we all had to wait while the GMB went through his extensive pre-P-flick repertoire of twitches, wanders, diffident looks, crashes and bangs around the goalframe etc.  But dang me - it worked! Confused (and possibly a bit bored?) by this idiosyncratic delay, their player obligingly flicked within the GMB's range and the subsequent save produced the not so rare sight and sound of the GMB's extensive post pre-P-flick save routine of twitches, wanders, exuberant whoopings, crashes and bangs around the goalframe etc.

2 up with under 10 to play - and a missed flick by them: surely nothing could go wrong. Well, as Sir Sean Connery (or maybe it was that other bloke who's not as popular with the ladies as Daniel Craig) once said 'Never Say Never'. So we duly conceded 2 smart late goals, one a clinical finish to a mazy dribble, the other a neat flick over a prone (probably sunbathing) GMB. And then we only just avoided conceding a late winner. But there, mercifully, it all ended.

FINAL SCORE: Blackheath 2 'Dogs 2

A game we should have won but might have lost. So we'll settle for the draw which preserves our proud unbeaten away record this season in the Conference after no fewer than 1 game. Huge thanks to Blackheath for a competitive and enjoyable game (and a splendid post match curry), and well done to all 6 regular 'Dogs who fought like, well, dogs, to achieve a very respectable draw against good opposition on a large playing area on a hot afternoon.

WINSTON OF THE WEEK: shared by our 2 outstanding guest players, Aidan and Chris, who took a more than healthy delight in playing out of their skins against their regular team mates. And a small woof of recognition to Ian G, too, for his first 2 well-taken goals of the new season. More of the same again soon, sir, please.

[Ha! You're still one 7-letter 'P' word short. Ed...]

Feedback is always welcome on these 'DogBlogs, so do post any comments you may have on this purview of today's events, or any other earlier reports.

[...I wish I'd never mentioned it. Ed]      

             

v Purley (H) 4 October 2008

v Purley (H) 4 October 2008

Fresh from our semi-triumphant season opener, and buoyed by the support of Winstons Big and Small (come and watch us play if you're a bit lost here), the 'Dogs opened the official 2008-9 Conference Season with a home game against Purley.

It was, frankly, a bit of a whirl, what with 2 very similar kits and ever arriving familiar faces to boost the canine ranks. So much so that we passed both our first 2 attacking short corners to their defenders and, having initially defended their first short corner, then lost the ball, the plot and the first goal of the new season, in that order. Ho hum, 1-0 down after not very long. But hey - that's hardly new territory for us, is it? So we attacked again, only for them to score a second after another post short corner ding dong all around our 'D'.  By now Purley were looking very slick and what looked like a good Bulldog side on paper didn't look quite so hot on grass.  And from bad to worse: 2 more beautifully executed Purley goals - albeit of the distinctly 'try all season and I bet that doesn't come off for you again' variety - meant that, after just 35 minutes, we were already looking forward to Easter 2009 [don't you mean 'looking forward to the half time whistle'? Ed.  No I don't. DogBlog Author).

HALF TIME: 'Dogs 0 Purley 4

Inspired by a half time break free from Vitamin C, the 'Dogs set about our challenging 2nd half comeback with some relish.  And, do you know what?  For a while, we stopped trying for the killer pass and settled instead for a bit of possession.  And then, what do you know? A smart shot was stopped by their irritatingly sound keeper but Neil S was there to sweep in, on the rebound, for the 1st 'Dog strike of Season 2008-09.  Woo-hoo!  Just 3 more goals to go.  Now for one of those good news/bad news moments.  Good news: the game did indeed produce 3 more goals. Bad news: sadly, none of them for the 'Dogs.  A cruel rebound finish after a quite brilliant goalline stop from Mike T (which produced the first - but surely not the last - audible cry this season from a 'Dog defender of ".... it !") and 2 open play piledrivers of truly Gordonesque proportions put some seriously bitter icing on the stale cake of a [Pur-lease! Enough of the similes. Ed] scoreline, which ultimately read:

FINAL SCORE: 'Dogs 1 Purley 7

Stranger and stranger, though.  Somehow this defeat didn't feel as bad as any number of our early 2008 oh-so-tame 2 or 3 goal defeats, where we barely threatened a shot on goal.  We lost by 6 but it could easily have been more: curiously we defended quite well.  The battle was lost further upfield. We were at times competitive but Purley were frankly very, very good and, on the day, completely clinical and worthy winners by a country mile. Not many others in the Conference would have lived with them, especially this early in the season.  Fair play to you lads: well done and we look forward to seeing you again later in the season. Especially if you bring along again that quite delightful young blonde lady supporter in the very fetching New Zealand All Blacks sweatshirt [...and with a very elegant diamond engagement ring, too!! Ed].

Bloodied but unbowed, the 'Dogs look forward with ridiculously misplaced optimism to our next game. But then again - you never know...

Winston of the Week: a tear comes to my canine eye as I record that GMB Junior, Richard Shelly, came on for the last 5 to make his Bulldog debut at the tender age of 12 years and barely 35 kilos, bless him. And for a couple of neat - nay, precocious - touches, and for being the only Bulldog not to see a goal conceded while he was on the field, he became possibly the youngest ever Winston of the Week. [Just a thought - is he any good in goal? They say it slips a generation. Ed]   

  

v Desperados (H/A): 27 September 2008

NEW SEASON 2008-09 !!! 

v Desperados (H/A): 27 September 2008

Ah there you are!  Had a good summer?  Welcome back to the wonderful world of the DogBlog: the post match analysis that unfailingly summons the Vet into Veterans' Hockey.

Our season opener against our NPL rivals had an unusually sombre edge to it.  Since the end of last season, we had received the very sad news that Peter Ponsford, a loyal 'Dog for many years - the last of them not so long ago - had died suddenly.  Peter Taylor, Captain of the 'Dogs, called both sides to order just before the start and said some words in memory of Peter, after which both teams observed a Minute's Silence.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the game got off to a slow start. But it wouldn't have if the Desperados had taken full advantage of an early season example of that well known Bulldog tactic, the 'Old Testament Red Sea Defence' (...watch it suddenly part, then disappear).  This allowed our beloved GBB to have his first high decibel moan of the season. Perhaps he just wanted to make sure everyone had noticed his rather nattily different multicoloured kit: henceforth he shall be the GMB: the Grumpy Multicoloured Barrier - or, possibly, the Genetically Modified Ba..... [stop it at once  - that's your first literary yellow card of the season: Ed].

Anyway, the game to-ed and fro-ed a bit with Gordon looking more than a bit frisky for them. But then, but then, ha! Up popped Rajan in front of Simon Greenhill and whoop doobee dah dah dah - 1-0 'Dogs.  And so it stayed until almost half time.  Then they got a short corner, and (on the rebound, after a smart save from GMB) it was 'Boom: Gordon Scored, Chapter 1'.

HALF TIME: 'Dogs 1 Desperados 1

More to-ing and fro-ing in the 2nd half.  A couple of our newcomers - Nicholas and Joe - showed some promising touches and, while the Desperados looked like they would score, we looked like we might. And, for a time, 'might' was worth more than 'would'. Another newly recruited Golden Oldie, Andy, pinged us back into the lead. Only for them to get another short corner and it was 'Boom: Gordon scored, Chapter 2'.  With time running out, a slick move from the 'Dogs ended with Ben slipping the ball in from a narrow angle. Even as a newcomer, he launched himself instinctively into the much loved but all-too-rarely seen Late Bulldog Goal Horizontal Celebration - known colloquially as the Aagh - I Can't Move: Fetch the Ralgex, Please (come on, do I really have to explain that one?...). Surely we could hold on now?  Could we cr*p - we're talking Bulldogs here.  In the last minute, we conceded yet another short corner and well, all together now ... yup, you've guessed it.  With just a small but important deflection from Nigel on the post, to help it on its way in, it was 'Boom: Gordon scored, Chapter 3'.

And there, dear reader, it ended. 

FULL TIME: 'Dogs 3 Desperados 3

A game that in many ways explained our team names. We are the Bulldogs presumably because we can take a lead with difficulty but then let it slip. They are the Desperados because they were never ahead but still contrived, in extremis, to snatch a last minute draw.

So, honours even, after an entertaining and unusually good natured Bulldogs/Desperados game. To end as we started, it would be nice to think that somehow, somewhere, Peter Ponsford had been watching on approvingly and had been entertained by what he had seen.                    

    

 

v DESPERADOS: (H/A/who cares) 15 March 2008-03-21

Ah, there you are! Well, it’s been a long and at times turbulent season for the ‘Dogs but, you know what? All things considered, we looked to be ending it on an up: 2 home wins on the bounce, either side of a game at Wimbledon where we deserved at least a draw. But this would test us – could we round things off with a flourish and get one over on our own NPL kennelmates, the Desperados?

As the teams lined up, it struck your correspondent that we don’t half have some fantastic attacking talent at NPL when we get it all together. If our trio of Scotton Junior (hooray!), his old man and Neil S promised a goal or 2, what about theirs – Gordon, Jiji (oh no, not again!), Kevin G and Rupert Cox? Not much money had been wagered on a dull goal-less draw prior to pushback.

On the other hand, we had a proud record of not having conceded a 1st half goal for over a month to protect. Something had to give. You’ve guessed it: scarcely had we had time to say “oh goody – Satbir’s back, too!” before our defence got us into a tangle of 6’s and 7’s and a Gordonesque reverse stick piledriver from Rupert C got them into a lead of 1’s and 0’s. But hold on! No-one responds to being a goal down better than us (…months of practice?) and, suddenly, the pressure was on their goal and, soon, it was 1,2,3 and 4 whoopeedoo. HALF TIME: ‘Dogs 4 Desperados 1

Just for the hell of it, we swapped goalkeepers at half time. So our forwards for once had to endure the endless chatter and antics which so endear (ahem) our GBB to all the other teams we play. He kept out a fair few, too, as the ‘Dogs continued to dominate, in some style. But he was powerless to stop Tom Mayhew’s deflection for an own goal which was positively Gallifant-like in its deft execution, and was equally rooted to the spot when Scotton Junior took advantage of a break which saw 3 ‘Dogs attackers through on an isolated goalkeeper for a clinical ‘in-your-face-Gramps’ bullet finish into the corner. Meanwhile, at the other end, the Desperados scored a (rather harsh) PFlick and a bit of a pinball job from a short corner, the 1st short corner goal we have conceded since (ok, ok, we get the picture: the ‘Dogs are defending much better now blah blah get on with it – Ed). FINAL SCORE: ‘Dogs 6 Desperados 3

Could we round things off with a flourish? Oh yes, we could! Long gone are the dark days of November and December, when Peter and Nigel stepped into the breach to avoid the ‘Dogs being put down and the survivors merged with the Desperados. Subsequently promising but fruitless days of January and February led to a final 4 games of 3 resounding wins and a solitary somewhat unlucky single goal defeat.

End of Term Report: The ‘Dogs are alive and well, on and off the pitch. Nigel, Mike and Avni (with whistle and stick) have done wonders in defence, Peter has led by example a midfield in which James E was shoo-in for Newcomer and Player’s Player of the Season and Jimmy – with both scrupulously impartial whistle and scary ‘Grim Reaper’s scythe’ stick – a most popular Captain’s Award winner. In front of them Max, Barry S and Ian ensured we remained keen and competitive in attack. Huge thanks also to other ‘Dogs who play when they can – frequently after a League game on Astro – and ditto to Kevin G and all other Desperados who played for us often and to great effect. Woof! Woof! Tails wagging proudly and noses healthily moist, the NPL Bulldogs are looking towards the 2008-9 season in optimistically fine fettle.

BBHC (H): 08 March 2008

BBHC, eh? Hmm, a bit of an iffy one, this. There's what might be termed history here, mainly involving their disobliging views on the Bulldogs' lack of ability on their official website which - with hindsight - they probably might better have kept off the internet; a free swinging forward who regarded the whistle as an optional distraction and a prone, defenceless goalkeeper as rather handy target practice; and, of course, their magician - watch him turn a single healthy collarbone into 5 unequal pieces with just one late challenge.

But they had made the effort to come all the way down, round the M25, up again and over to Sweet Fortress Teddington today, so good on them. As luck would have it, we ended up 9 against 9. The prospect of so much running around aroused mixed emotions among the assembled 'Dogs: James E didn't see the problem. And so to the first half. Buoyed by recent decent performances, we competed gamely. Having safely defended 3 short corners, we won one of our own. And unveiled our new tactic: no more whoops-yours-oh crap, they're on the break- cor, that was close. No sirree. Instead, it was hit-stop-steady-BOOM, from Ian G. With a bit too much BOOM for their defence, as that rare but satisfying sound of crisp Bulldog shot hitting backboard echoed round the ground. 1-0 'Dogs. BBHC were good, though, and produced some nice stuff of their own, but Avni's silky skills and Nigel's Bulldog spirit coped admirably. This was promising - for the 2nd week in a row, we reached half time unbreached: HALF TIME: 'Dogs 1 BBHC 0.

Now one of the best things about these particular 'Dogs is we can learn new tricks. Our tactic of taking the field in the 2nd half without our captain, Peter 'Ninefingers' [...clue to his absence, gentle reader] Taylor may have confused us, but apparently sowed even greater perplexity among our opponents. Fortunately, we had the reassuring and welcome presence of Neil A - this week's on-loan Desperado ringer - in his place. And do you know what? Before you could say "make up your minds, you recently arrived 4th XI players, are you going to join us or not?", we went and scored again. Some nice stuff down the right from Barry and James E set up Ian G for his second goal. BBHC upped the tempo, but Max (surely growing younger by the week) and James G were going great guns in midfield. By now BBHC heads were beginning to drop a bit, while the canine snouts were pointed firmly and moistly forwards. Ian G found himself alone in front of goal with only their goalkeeper to beat. Scarcely had our cries of "Jug avoidance" and their cries of "good save" been uttered before Ian buried the rebound for his hat trick. And though BBHC fought on gallantly, they could find no way through, as the GBB found time for a couple of smart stops and interceptions, followed by the usual rather imaginative and catchy stick solos played, as ever, on the goalframe (Jimmy: your wife almost certainly won't get that one, either, so bring her along to a game to see for herself). And though they had further short corners, from various spots along the goal line, from both sides of goal, we kept our kennel pristine. FINAL SCORE: Bulldogs 3 BBHC 0

A good game played by 2 committed sides. Excellent, unobtrusive umpiring from Jimmy and their bloke also helped to keep the game flowing. The final score may have flattered us a bit but we've been unflattered by final scores more than once in recent weeks, so we'll take it. Thanks again BBHC for making the long journey over and for being particularly good sports and company in the clubhouse afterwards. Much appreciated, fellers: see you next season.

Winston of the Week: A tough one: we played really well as a team - big thanks again to Neil for helping us out in the 2nd half. But a hat trick is a hat trick, so the winner (albeit by a very short snout from a sublime performance from Avni) is Ian G.

Wimbledon (A): 01 March 2008

Well, wouldn't you just know it? All that hard work to get that win last week against Purley - perennially tricky opponents, then today a lovely early spring day, beautiful playing surface and fantastic facilities (as ever at Wimbledon). But could we rise to the occasion? Harrumph.
We lined up, as has been our recent custom, with a spine of regular 'Dogs fleshed out with some welcome cameo help from other NPL friends. With Tom Mayhew, Murdoch and Rupert Cox showing that old Desperado magic, and Paul Bussetti and Donald Dunbar filling in for absent regular Bulldog friends effectively in defence, we looked competitive. Indeed, we had much the better of an odd 1st half: we looked several times like we should score, they looked once or twice like they might. But, despite plenty of pretty approach play from both sides, there were relatively few direct attempts on goal. Statistics sometimes lie, but this one doesn't: HALF TIME: Wimbledon 0 Bulldogs 0

For no apparent reason, it all went a bit flat after that: passes went astray, the harum scarum stuff kicked in and Wimbledon began to fancy their chances. Even the sight of our captain playing a prominent role in attack on the right wing ("I spit on your 'play centre half for the whole game!' ") couldn't quite gel us back into the force we had been before the orangeless half time break. And though James ran and ran, and Max put in a tireless performance in midfield, and half chances from Ian, Barry and Rajan just wouldn't go in - one even pinged back into play off the post with their goalkeeper beaten - it just wouldn't work for us.

And then, before you could say "ah well, 0-0 wouldn't be a bad result against this lot", Lady Luck really stuck the boot into the canine nethers. Half a chance for them on the right - but surely GBB's got it covered?! - turned to disaster as, instead of the anticipated hearty thwack, their forward contrived quite unintentionally to top the ball at waist height, thereby sending it looping merrily, in semi-slow motion, past a wrongfooted GBB. Bummer, bummer and three times bummer!!! We tried to huff and puff our way back in, but Wimbledon's defence would not be blown down: Final Score: Wimbledon 1 Bulldogs 0

There have been many occasions lately where we have fought bravely in defeat to a better side. This game was mighty frustrating and somehow harder to take: they would be the first to admit we more than matched them and deserved something from this game. Instead, we drew a blank and went down to a silly, single, mis-hit goal. Sometimes it is indeed a Dog's Life.

Winston of the Week: several good performances in an ultimately losing cause, but an award this week beyond the field of play. Well done Jimmy for an excellent game as umpire - clear, consistent and always keen to look to play the advantage where possible to let the game flow. Bravo, and thanks!

Purley (H): 23 February 2008

Now then, listen carefully, because it gets a bit complicated this week. We were a bit short of players, right? But then Desperados had their game cancelled and a few players available. But then we found out 1 or 2 occasional 'Dogs wanted back in the kennel too and - well, goodness me, suddenly we had an embarrassment of riches. The spectre of that rarest of rare Bulldog tactics - the rolling substitute - even threatened to raise its unfamiliar head, until fatigue and minor tweaks ... but I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here.

So a promising looking CombiBulldogs XI started with high hopes against perennially strong opponents from Purley. Not surprisingly, we took a bit of time to settle, especially at the back. GBB made two separate quickfire treble saves which no-one in an orange shirt seemed to notice, then a nifty one-on-one job when their forward looked odds on to score, this time drawing admiring cries of "Get up, you lazy *******" from his defenders. Huh, there's gratitude for you. But then we got up the other end and, bang, boom and hey presto - suddenly it was London bus time. Having waited over 3 games for a Bulldog goal, Rajan scored a beauty, Max added a second and then, dang me, with all the passengers already safely on the earlier buses (enough with the public transport imagery, thanks, I'm lost - Ed), Rajan added yet another. HALF TIME: BULLDOGS 3 PURLEY 0

Could we keep it going? The half time Bulldog faces - part disbelief, part knackered - suggested troubled times ahead. But with Neil, Rajan and Max playing so well up front, surely we had more goals in us. First, however, our defence would need to continue to do its stuff. At various times throughout the game we played 4 different pairs of fullbacks - combinations of Nigel, Colin, Martin L and Paul Bussetti. And didn't they all play well? But even so, Purley pulled one back with a well-struck shot from the top of the 'D'. But then Rajan eased our nerves with his 3rd sweet finish of the day, only for Purley to get another smart goal to peg us back to a nervy 2 goals clear. The tension rose: our capacity crowd of 9 (Paul Mangat, one other person I didn't quite recognise, 5 noisy parakeets and 2 unimpressed pigeons) could scarcely stifle their yawns. Rupert, Kevin G, Peter and James (fresh from the neighbouring football - don't ask) were towers of strength in midfield and, little by little, the time ticked away safely. Purley simply couldn't break through again. FULL TIME: BULLDOGS 4 PURLEY 2

Oh frabjous joy! A Bulldog win at last! Huge thanks to the Guestperados who gave everything for us to such good effect - Colin, Kevin, Martin, Neil A and Rupert: take a bow, boys. And well done Rajan for proving that a being a Bulldog is indeed not just for (before) Christmas: always great to have you with us; and to Paul B for another fine cameo appearance.

As for Purley - top blokes as ever and thanks for another good game - how nice it feels to beat you, for once. I've just Googled 'famous residents and Purley', so now conclude confidently: Bernard Ingram (formerly of 10 Downing Street), Francis Rossi (...are Status Quo still going?), Dot Cotton, Derren Brown, 'Terry and June' - your boys took one helluva beating!

Winston of the Week: keep up, dammit - the boy scored a hat trick, for goodness' sake. Well done again, Rajan.

Addiscombe (A): 16 February 2008

Problems, problems, problems. 2 weeks after our lacklustre loss to Masonians, 1 week after our spirited narrow defeat to Wallington, which Bulldogs would turn up today? Funnily enough, that was the question our gallant captain was asking himself as he and just one other Bulldog stood ready 15 minutes before scheduled pushback time. Never fear! One by one we came, late but unbowed, with various tales of dreadful traffic and dodgy trains. Mind you, Addiscombe were hardly quick out of the blocks either, so it was a good job it was a nice sunny afternoon, with the prospect of a late sunset.

Now here comes the tricky bit. The game got a bit heated, especially after half time, but the captain has told your correspondent this report must not be - and I quote - too spicy. So I've clicked a few never-before-used buttons on my keyboard and, apparently, if the language from now on goes beyond the acceptable, the computer will automatically replace any offending words with the name of a fruit. Sounds a PLUMing silly idea to me (...BANANA me, it works!)

And so to the game. A funny first half, really. They put us under all sorts of pressure early on but we stood firm, then we had a spell where we dominated - good stuff from Ian, backed up by Curt and Neil and a mighty useful guest right winger called Phil. But then they got on top again and, after a few 'heart in mouth' moments, we then had that oh so familiar feeling of a 'ball in our goal' moment. Despite a further mini revival, we could only play what is known by some as Keira Knightley hockey - very pretty, but not as much as you'd like to see up front from your twin strikers. HALF TIME: Addiscombe 1 Bulldogs 0

Addiscombe had been a bit fired up in the first half - more than once they had got in hearty yahoos a wee while after the whistle had been blown, especially in our 'D'. So the 2nd half threatened to become a bit testy if they did it again. But first, a cheeky shot from the top of our 'D' - well before any whistle, alas - crept just inside our right hand post, doubling our deficit. Then Addiscombe did smack the ball again a bit after the whistle. Neil - for the 2nd time - got hit and decided he'd not feel safe carrying on. So off he went. It's always disappointing to see a MANGO (keyboard my GRAPEFRUIT! You've just made that one up - stop it, you silly PEAR! Ed) in this way, but Addiscombe kindly lent us another Phil. By now, however, we were under ever more pressure. Peter, Jimmy and James - like a manic sheepdog on Red Bull - held them up well, and when they got through them, Nigel and Mike were in stubborn mood at the back. And behind them, GBB wasn't in the mood to concede a cricket score either. So we didn't. But neither could we score, despite a late rally and some very near misses. FULL TIME: Addiscombe 2 Bulldogs 0

PINEAPPLE, FIG and SATSUMA it - another defeat. But plenty to be proud of. We refused to buckle and, once again, defended with real heart. For the 3rd game in a row, we conceded countless short corners but defended them all successfully. The goals against are now relatively few and, frankly, mostly avoidable: we seem to keep out the most dangerous-looking chances. What we really need is a lucky break or 2 in front of our opponents' goal. But the noses are still suitably moist and the tails wag proudly. Team spirit is still high, even after a horrible run of results this year. Surely every (Bull)dog will have his day soon.

Winston of the Week: Mike, for a cussed and highly effective performance at the back (and for saying "PEACH it!!" very loudly just the once when he got caught a fearful whack on the ankle by a full-blooded shot on goal).

Match Report: Wallington (H): 09 February 2008

The trouble with sassy 11 year olds is they don't miss a trick. So I was explaining to my Richard about the next Bulldogs game - played like a bunch of camels last week at Masonians, Wallington at home next up - and he paused (always a very bad sign in one his age), before concluding "So it's gonna be like David versus Goliath, minus the catapult, right?". The little (careful, please: Ed) ...fellow got it spot on, didn't he? .

Unfazed by such precocious realism, a litter of Bulldogs took to the field on a beautiful spring day, on a lush and fine looking surface. Damn and damn again - where are those wafer thin alibis when you really, really need them. Oh yes - got it! I didn't mention that 2 of our players Peter and Jimmy could barely walk, or that we had a charming but distinctly, well, female, left wing called Jenny, did I? So it was that our motley crew of Bulldogs faced up to the Conference's meanest and most ruthless, the phrase "double figures by half time?" running through more than one canine mind.

But what was this? 10 minutes in and where was our usual absurd early goal gift to the oppo? No sirree, not today. Nigel and Mike made sure that the inevitable early scares were within the GBB's range, while Ian - back from injury and skiing (don't ask: Ed), Barry and Jenny - who turned out to be one hell of a battler, gave them plenty to think about their end of the field. Not much was getting through, James, Jimmy and Peter - on his good leg and a half. And linking our rearguard and vanguard was the reassuring and welcome sight of Dev, playing out of his skin. Yes, we were second best of course, but a damn fine 2nd best. Their only goal of a relatively even 1st half came, most unluckily, from a rebound which James then all but saved brilliantly on the line. HALF TIME: Bulldogs 0 Wallington 1

All our fears that we might have annoyed them a bit by keeping it down to 1 were soon allayed as the 2nd half followed a similar pattern. We kept them out and came close their end. But we were under more pressure than them so a 2nd goal - big aerial ball into our 'D', round GBB and boom into goal (yeah, yeah, we'll give you that one) - was no surprise. But there it stopped. And do you know what? We didn't half give them some scares, too. So a final score of huge respectability against such a fearsome opponent: FULL TIME: Bulldogs 0 Wallington 2

Another defeat, ok, but of a totally different nature from our marshmallow attempts the previous week at Masonians. A bit more of this, and a win or 2 surely should come our way before we crack open the Easter Eggs and put our feet up for the summer.

Winston of the Week: Max, for a tireless performance in attack and defence (but a special mention and huge Bulldog thanks also to Jenny, a ringer of a winger - with commendably strong views on post match shower protocol, too. Don't worry - buy her a beer and I'm sure she'll tell you what I mean).

Masonians (A): 02 February 2008

A kennelful of 'Dogs weaved their winsome way (enough with the alliteration already: Ed) to Wimbledon (...final warning: Ed) to confront Masonians, full of optimism. And why not? Our 2nd away game of 2008 with just one away defeat so far this calendar year, buoyed by our stunning one match unbeaten run: what could go wrong?

So confident were we that we took the field with 9 players, plus a home team guest - a ringer called Phil. So far, so good. Then Avni went and blew the whistle for the start of the game and, well, things began to go a bit off plot. Masonians are really very good. At everything except maths. Stay with me here - they attack with about 9 players, right? Then they defend with about 7, and they still have left over about 4 or 5 really skilful midfield players who link it all up. Somehow - and I've checked this several times - that still doesn't add up to more than 11. Fortunately, it being a sunny afternoon, there were shadows for us to chase and, boy, did we spend the 1st half doing so. Truth be told, we're all still carrying a wee bit of surplus midriff after Christmas/New Year so we were, at least, able to defend ...stoutly (ok, you win - go back to the alliteration if you must, but spare us the contrived puns: Ed). Nonetheless, Masonians breached us twice: first with a neat 'skip round the keeper and ...dink!' job, then with a rising piledriver that would have entered the net with body parts attached had GBB been unwise enough to get in the way. HALF TIME: Masonians 2 Bulldogs 0

We knew the next goal would be crucial, but it came from an unlikely source. GBB looked favourite to cut out a killing through ball but, somehow, he succeeded only in trapping it neatly and most obligingly for an oncoming Masonian. And before you could say 'where have all our visitors gone all of a sudden?' said opposition forward had rolled it gently into an unguarded net. Surely things couldn't get worse? Come off it, we're talking Bulldogs here - we love a challenge. So they did get worse. While we defended heroically to keep their score - most improbably - to 3, we blew a couple of gilt edged chances the other end. No names, of course, but I'm guessing someone whose name might be an anagram of Maul Pangat would like to forget his saved p flick, while someone else, whose name might be an anagram of xaM, will want to forget his airshot in front of an open goal. Did I mention they kept attacking but we managed to keep it down to 3? Well they did, and we did (if you get me) and that was that. FINAL SCORE: Masonians 3 Bulldogs 0

Harrumph. Any positives? Well, James kept running as only he can; Mike, Nigel and our gallant injured captain performed heroics at the back; Paul M - great to have you with us - showed glimpses of what might have been; Jimmy, Max and Barry fought tigerishly in defeat. We never gave up and, despite a collective off day, were far more competitive than we had been at our place earlier this season when, embarrassingly, they all but declared when already 5-0 up some time before half time. And again, we socialised hard and fair afterwards in the name of NPL, enhancing our reputation as the complete hockey team in all but the bit on the pitch. Huge thanks to our guest 'Dog, Phil the Masonian, who took a perverse delight in playing a blinder against his own club. Finally, we had a bad day - but at least we didn't blow a 19-6 lead with less than 30 minutes to go. Ha!

Winston of the Week: the captain's choice was GBB, presumably for cheering us all up with their ludicrous 3rd goal, and then for one or two better moments once all was already lost.

Blackheath (Home): 26 January 2008

Ho ho, what was this? As the hard core/soft centre (…the jury’s still out on that one) of the Bulldogs assembled, our numbers were swelled by the grand sight of the return to ‘Dog colours of Rajan and Satbir, and cameo appearances also from Curt and Dev. Such an unfamiliar team forgot the First Commandment of the Bulldogs – Thou Shalt Concede a Ludicrously Soft Early Goal – and set about Blackheath with gusto. The goal when it came was a peach: a great surging run and clinical finish from Rajan. 1-0 Dogs. We were defending well, but then let ourselves down with 2 silly moments. Each time, a Bulldog defender was caught backing off towards goal, obviously thinking ‘pah, this goalkeeping lark can’t be that hard’, thereby blocking the view of the man at the back as 2 stoppable shots pinged by. Hmm. And so it was Half Time Bulldogs 1 Blackheath 2

Barely had the second half started when Barry did it again (see last week’s match report) with a scintillating finish to even things up. Nigel and Mike were as solid at the back as they are from the front, if you get my meaning, and with James Whirling-Dervish, Peter, Curt and Dev sewing things up in midfield, our attack of Rajan, Satbir, Max and Barry were a constant threat. Twice Max put us back in the lead (one thanks to an unfortunate ‘whoops where’s it gone’ moment for their keeper – but we’ll have it, thanks), they scored a cracker in between and, as the clock ticked down, we got ourselves in a tangle and paid the price as they sneaked another equaliser. Still there was time for a bit of a scramble their end, then they had a last gasp ‘Oh sh*t, he must score!’ chance smothered before, finally, it was Full Time Bulldogs 4 Blackheath 4.

A really good game and a fair result. Just enough spicy stuff between certain players on both sides to keep old limbs going too. Thanks again to Rajan, Satbir, Curt and Dev – always great to have you with us, guys, and to Paul Bussetti, Jimmy and the goalscoring Donald Dunbar who should all be ashamed of how well they played as guests for our shorthanded opposition. Much appreciated, guys – just don’t make a habit of it, ok?

Winston of the Week: Captain Fantastic – Peter, for being at the heart of most good things, and resisting the temptation to join in the fruity stuff, when it all threatened to kick off a bit in the second half.

Desperados (Home/Away/Take your pick): 19 January 2008

It was time again to teach these whippersnapper Desperados that there is only room for one set of Top ‘Dogs in this club.

So much for the theory. A first half in which we were under constant pressure finally yielded 3 goals against, all a bit iffy from our point of view. Heigh Ho. We particularly admired Nigel’s deft flick to divert a shot that was going wide just inside our left hand post. Hang on, who’s this familiar figure hurtling down the right, miles from goal?! On and on he went until, kerpow! Take that, you Desperados! A magnificent strike from the man with the longest name in Conference hockey: Barry Blimeythatwasgood-betyoursontaughtyouthatone-Scotton.
Half Time: Desperados 3 Bulldogs 1

Skittish to the last, the ‘Dogs began to play the 2nd half slightly later than our opposition, by which time GBB had made his first save and had his first big moan. And though Satbir and Paul Mangat added that extra something, the Desperados had even more extra something. 2 goals to be precise. We had lots of the ball but couldn’t quite apply that killer touch. We came close: an exquisite reverse stick shot from Peter ‘Gordon who?’ Taylor skimmed a post, Ian and Andy devilled away, while James, Nigel and Mike held up most of their attacks. But even a late strike by Max, given by John but then disallowed apparently by several Desperado defenders, didn’t change diddly. Final Score: Desperados 5 Bulldogs 1 – or was it 2? No, probably 1

Ok, well done Desperados: you whipped, we snapped.

Winston of the Week: James, unproven in goal maybe, but tireless and quite brilliant in the 10 other positions today.

Match report: 12 January 2008 Kenley Away

The ‘Dogs opened their 2008 account, with more than a whiff of Desperado about them, as they took to the field, past Kenley’s elegant cricket scoreboard (more of that anon). Among the many team changes was the latest return from injury of the GBB. Back to Black perhaps, but less Amy Whitehouse than Frank Sinatra: he Does it His Way and has surely made more comebacks than is wise. But there cannot be a more practiced goalkeeper in the Conference at affecting a nonchalant ‘Am I Bovvered’ air as he fishes yet another soft early goal from his net, which was quite reassuring when we conceded yet another soft early goal.

Undeterred, we sought an equaliser straight away. Gordon had several radar malfunctions, including one huge whoopeedoo that almost threatened something on final approach to Gatwick before, finally, we equalised. But then while Ian, Peter, Rupert C and Nigel made mischief up front, their forwards made even more mischief our end. We conceded again, and so did they, and so did we. A breathless first half ended with everyone puffing: HALF TIME: KENLEY 3 ‘DOGS 2.

Then we made a big mistake: we scored a neat 3rd equaliser from a short corner, and took the lead for the first time, from another short corner. Hereabouts, the crucial moment. Rupert, unused to so many goal celebrations in a single Bulldogs game, pulled something in his hamstring and had to go off, leaving us one man short on the left. Even Nigel’s brilliant ‘Boy Stood on the Burning Deck’ cameo, with able help from James, Martin, Matt and couple of grass eating saves from GBB, could not stem the tide. Kenley equalised and then, cruelly, stole a very well taken winner, as one final valiant attack by the ‘Dogs was thwarted. And so Kenley’s elegant cricket scoreboard (see, I told you we’d get round to that bit eventually) told the final, heartbreaking story: FULL TIME: KENLEY 5 ‘DOGS 4.

But it was a great game, played in good spirit and very well umpired by Jimmy and their bloke. Huge thanks to the Guestperados – Kevin, Matt, Rupert C, Gordon and Martin who, along with the regular ‘Dogs, went down by the single goal in 9, but fought to the last and never gave up.

WINSTON OF THE WEEK: Nigel, for a magnificent all round display.